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Five Rogue Interview Tribes

 

his week, the Ministry of Human Resource Environment faced yet another crisis. News leaked out that certain members of the Board giggled helplessly at the candidates’ responses to certain questions. Others were caught napping red-handed. Now, while laying off these members would have been a Novel and easy method, the Ministry decided to tackle the problem up front. Assure Consulting was called once again to identify the troublemakers. The report:

Late Latif: This tribe is the prime culprit in giving the Ministry sleepy days. Members of the tribe administer 100 mg soporific shots by arriving in a breathless condition hours behind the scheduled time for the interview. Not satisfied at having grounded the Ministry, this tribe makes the Ministry hit the roof, or should it be the bed, by claiming in a high-pitched righteous tone that they were late because the Ministry gave then wrong directions. The Ministry’s still yawning at their candidature.

Jang Bang MTV Eishtyle: Frankly speaking, the tribe is secretly in love with the Ministry. If you’ve carefully read the sins of omission and commission of the Late Latifs, you’ll know why members cannot scream their love from rooftops. The tribe has no other option but to deploy its deadly dress sense to floor the Ministry. To give the tribe its due, each member has rather individualistic traits and hates to ape the other. While some turn up in a dark three piece suit with a tie in peak summer, others decide to charm the Ministry by wearing frayed jeans and soiled, crumpled shirts. The female of the species prune themselves by applying loud makeup and wearing heavy, chunky jewelry. Their love calls have tickled the Ministry but evoked no response.

D.....d....darr ka maara: The tribe has, most annoyingly, provoked a rift between the Human Resources and the Water Resource Ministries. As soon as members of the tribe arrive, they huddle into the smallest dark corner and demand endless glasses of water. These couch slouches derive immense pleasure in giving the Board an eerie feeling of being inhuman or monstrous by refusing to maintain eye contact with the Board and stuttering answers in a low, inaudible voice. A particularly unique device of irking the Board is the tribe’s reliance on rote power to the Ministry’s pet questions. But, in their nervousness, members forget parts of memorised responses. The Ministry, confused over its own status in the evolutionary cycle, is not in a state where it can focus on the candidate.

Mooh Phat: AssureConsulting.com is taken aback at the tenacity of this tribe. Its last report had installed an anti-virus against the tribe. But members have developed immunity and launched an aggressive attack under a new name. The tribe comprises braggarts, who endlessly gloat over how great they are, but it is below their dignity to cite concrete evidence of their accomplishments. Members of the tribe hate to admit they do not know or do not have the answers to a particular question. Exponents of the SFM (shooting from the mouth) syndrome, they address interviewers by their first names and continuously argue with the Board. The Board’s only immunity is to catch a few winks till the candidates usher themselves out.

Ungli Uthana: This tribe administers future shocks by bad mouthing previous employees. Although the Ministry is on the constant look out for tribes trained in developing futuristic technologies, it can do without these specific skill sets. 

PS: Keeping the best interests of the industry in mind, the razzle dazzlers are advised to read Surehire ways to call shots at the interview and The ring of a successful telephonic interview.
  

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